Missing the "Should have Beens"

18 Months without you. It still amazes me how fast time is going on without you. The world keeps turning, schools, jobs, friends all continue on with life. And here I sit, balling my eyes out all day because for some reason it seems more "ok" for me to cry on "anniversary" days then others. It't not really anything major about this day, except it has the same day on a calendar. You should be having an 18 month check up this week. I should be looking forward to the "new" things you will be accomplishing now that you have hit this time milestone. But you wont ever hit those milestones. Your hand will forever be the size it was on November 8th, 2012. You will forever be my baby, not my toddler, or little boy, or grown man that I still call my baby. I've gone through this with every "milestone" and it honestly never gets easier. There is always something new I am missing with you. There is always something I long to see you do, but I know it will never happen. I dont know when or if this will ever change. I hope one day I will be able to not think about the "what ifs", but the reality is, when God called you home, He took a future away from us that we will never know. He took not just your life, but your wife's life, and your children's lives out of ours forever. I will never see you as a husband, or a father. I will never get to watch your Dad pass down knowledge on raising a family to you. It will always be bittersweet. And no matter what God puts in our path, and blesses us with in the future, YOU will always be missing.