Sorry to be MIA lately. Our life has become a little more crazy. On August 1st, we welcomed our rainbow into the world. He is perfect. Bradley James is named after his big brother, and I see a lot of Jacob in his face. It's hard to look at him and not see his brother. As wonderful as it is to have him here in my arms, it is also extremely hard. I think so often we expect people to "heal" from a tragic loss once they have found something or someone to fill their time again. I knew having a new baby boy would be hard. And it is. It is so hard to look at him and not feel the twinge of pain that Jacob is not here. It's bittersweet. If Jacob had survived, we would have never had another child. Bradley would not exist if Jacob had lived. I cannot imagine my life without Bradley. He has been in my arms for 27 days now and I cannot picture life without him.
I know so many people expect me to be "better" now. I have my baby boy and I should now be the happy, carefree woman I was 3 years ago. But I will never be her again. I will forever be changed by Jacob. (And I wouldn't have it any other way!) But I also need time to grieve this new pain that I have in my heart. A pain that is not easy to explain or describe. A pain that brings a tear to my eye, while at the same time, a smile to my lips. Jacob will NEVER be replaced. Bradley will be my baby. But the two of them will have a bond like no other. Thank you Jacob for giving me the chance to meet Bradley. I look forward to sharing your story with your baby brother as he gets older. Fly high Jacob; you have another one to watch and keep safe!
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