November 8th, 2012

November 8th 2012. My twins were less then two days old. They were born at 25 weeks gestation, and weighted right around 1.5lbs. While sleeping in my hospital bed, I got the call I never wanted. We needed to get down to the NICU ASAP. Jacob's stats were dropping, and it wouldn't be long before he would leave this world. I had spend the night praying, no begging, God to keep him alive. It didn't matter that I knew a long time ago that he had less than a 1% chance of survival. I really thought a miracle would pull us through, and I would be bringing home two babies from the hospital. That was not what was happening. And no matter how much I cried out, I realized that morning that nothing I could do would change reality. My son was about to die, and I had to be there to say goodbye. So, with my husband and best friend by my side, I went to say goodbye to Jacob Bradley Phillips. I watched as the nurses pulled his IVs out, and my heart broke as I watched them unhook him from the only machine that was keeping him alive. He lived in my arms for about 15 minutes. I got to see him by his sisters side for the only time in their lives. I watched as the color faded out of him, and I felt his body go cold. I kissed him once on the head and said goodbye. At this moment my life was split into two. My life before my son died, and my life after. Welcome to my journey...