Your Child is NOT an Angel!

I get it, everyone loves to call that sweet precious baby and "angel", especially if they are a well-behaved child. But the reality is, your child is not an angel. And you should be thankful they are not an angel. I never realized how much a term can mean until my son died. I never thought for a second about a child being an "angel". It just didn't matter to me, because I was blissful ignorant to the fact that there are some mothers whose children are actually angels, or at least with them. I get it, people love calling babies angels. There is an innocents about babies that people cannot help but link to the Holy Hosts. But I just ask that before you talk about your "angel" think of what it could do to a mother who has a true angel.
I was talking with another mother who I didn't know very well. She was going on and on about her "angel". The way she spoke, I honestly thought her child had passed away. And boy was she appalled when I said it was so nice to hear another grieving parent talk about her child so much. She actually got offended that I would consider even saying something like that. How dare I think such a horrid and disgusting thought! Needless to say, I never informed her that I actually had an angel watching me from Heaven. I came home and cried for a few hours straight.

I don't blame her for what she calls her child, but I am upset that so many people are uninformed about common sayings and names given to children who have passed away. This is not something new. Children have been dying every day since the beginning of creation! How can we, as a nation, be so shut off from something that happens all around us every day?! Sure, people think it won't happen to them, but that doesn't mean its not happening all around them every day in their community. In the 119 days we spent in the NICU with my daughter, there were 38 children, not including Jacob, that came into the NICU and never went home. (And those are just ones that I saw. I can almost guarantee there where more.) There were another 2 that passed away after going home, and numerous others that never made it to the NICU at all. And this was just one hospital. One hospital in one town, in one state, in one nation. And the US is not the only one that gets hit by this. In fact, we have one of lowest number of infant deaths in the world.

So why do we shy away from these topics. Why was what I said such an insult? Why is talking about children that have passed a "gross", "hideous", "inappropriate" thing? I have never shared a picture of my son. I only have one while he was alive. The rest were taken after he was removed from life support and was dying in my arms. I've been asked many times why I never shared these pictures. I have seen women share their own pictures on social media, and been told to remove it due to it being "grotesque" and "inappropriate". There is NOTHING about my son that is grotesque or inappropriate. He was a living, breathing human being that I loved as much as every other child I have ever carried. I will not share a picture of him, just to be told to remove it because someone cannot handle it. Cannot handle it?! I had to sit and watch him die in my arms, you can "handle" looking at a single picture of him.

I get it. No one fights for a cause until it affects them. But that is too late. If I could have fought for this cause long before I lost my son, I would be in a different place. In fact, I may have never lost Jacob at all. But I never knew it was an issue. I never knew my water could break at just 12 weeks pregnant. And it is now my goal to change that. If I can help just one mother keep her baby alive by sharing my story until I am blue in the face then I have made a difference. Maybe not for everyone, but for one mother to not have to say goodbye to her child and sign that death certificate: It will be worth it.